Almost a third of married couples struggle with problems associated with a mismatch in sexual desire. As you can rightly guess, this leads to frustration, resentment, feelings of rejection, and all too often, a crisis in the relationship – a physical or emotional affair with someone outside the relationship – or just the long, slow death of the intimacy that was once healthy and robust.
Low sexual desire isn’t just “a woman’s problem.” There are many couple relationships where it’s the man who has the low libido. This doesn’t fit the common view that sex is all men think about, and so it’s rarely discussed or dealt with, yet it’s just as painful and challenging to the relationship.
When one spouse isn’t interested in sex, other forms of affection often disappear, too, leading to greater and greater emotional distance. The relationship begins to feel mechanical, routine. As a result, the friendship between partners evaporates and anger builds. The spouse with the higher sex drive often feel confused and cheated by their partner’s lack of interest, and often assume the worst – that their partner doesn’t love them, isn’t attracted to them, or has found someone else.
If this description fits you and your partner, give me a call. I have helped many couples understand and work with differing levels of sexual interest. We work together to understand what might be causing the mismatch in desire, and discuss solutions to the problem so that closeness, intimacy, and a sense of partnership can be re-built.