Typically, when talk of divorce comes into the picture, one partner has been thinking about it, planning for it, grieving it for some time – and thus, are further along what we call the “divorce readiness scale” Counseling with both partners or the one who is low on the divorce readiness scale can be very helpful in easing this difficult transition.
If your partner wants to end the marriage, but you want to save it, counseling can also be very helpful, of course. I help couples in this situation assess the issues in the relationship and determine what is needed to repair and heal the build-up of resentments and distance that has developed over time.
I have helped many couples make this very difficult transition through divorce once that decision has been made. My first priority is to establish clarity for the individual who is considering ending the relationship. If this is established, we discuss how to discuss the issue with the spouse. A plan is developed for communication with the spouse, with children (if applicable), the issues of timing, and the use of other resources.
This is a difficult and often painful process – get help facilitating the conversation.