Reunification process

The reunification therapy process typically has three phases, although the length and steps of each phase varies from case to case.

Phase I: Assessment

The purpose of this phase is for me to gather information about the situation by meeting with each of the parents (individually) as well as the child or children. 

I will gather information from collateral sources once I have met with the parents and the child or children, such as other therapists, parenting consultants, guardian ad items, etc. Typically, I’ll want copies of the divorce decree, custody evaluation, psychological evaluations, etc. 

I will be assessing:

1) The severity of the parent-child contact problem to be addressed and the role of each parent as well as the child or children;

2) The readiness and willingness of the “in” parent to support reunification;

3) The readiness and willingness of the “out” parent to be a resource for the child or children;

4) The capacity and functioning of the child or children.

Note that if either parent demonstrates resistance to the process – as evidenced by their pattern of attendance and participation in therapy, I will discuss that resistance and take steps to address it so it no longer obstructs the process.

Phase II: Commitment & Connection

Step 1 – In the first step of Phase II, I begin by working with the “in” parent to address his/her concerns about the “out” parent’s role with the child or children. Often, this involves addressing areas of blame or past resentments, as a lack of acknowledgement of past injustices is often what keeps parents stuck in old cycles of anger and the pointing of fingers. If the “in” parent does not demonstrate a genuine commitment to the process, this may be communicated to the authority that ordered the reunification therapy, as it presents a significant barrier to moving forward. It may be that therapy proceeds anyway, with the bulk of the effort focused on the child and the “out” parent. This is more common with severe cases of parent-child contact problems.

Step 2 – Once the “in” parent is committed to the process of overcoming the resist/refuse dynamic of the child, I then move on to working with the child or children. This work may be with a child individually or with the “in” parent jointly. Therapy with the child focuses on releasing any feelings they have of anger, resentment, abandonment, self-blame, or guilt. We also address specific concerns they may have regarding the “out” parent, and steps are taken to support the “out” parent in addressing those concerns (which involves individual sessions with this parent).

Step 3 – Following this work with the “in” parent and then the child, I will have the child and the “out” parent work directly together. Sessions are used to gradually and incrementally unravel the difficulties that have occurred in the family and resolve them to the point that communication can be restored.

Parallel to the work with the child and the “out” parent, I will work with the co-parents to address issues in their communication and support better co-parent functioning.

Phase III: Integration

For some families, this phase signals the initiation of parenting time. Other families will have had some schedule of parenting time already in place. The type and frequency of access will vary according to a number of factors. Regardless of what the time looks like, the message sent to the child by the “out” parent is one of caring, interest, and purpose. The message sent to the child by the “in” parent is one of support for the child’s relationship with each parent.