Reunification process

The reunification therapy process typically has three phases, although the length and steps of each phase varies from case to case.

Phase I: Assessment

The purpose of this phase is for me to gather information about the situation by meeting with each of the parents (individually) and the children. Barriers that might obstruct reunification are identified.

I will gather information from collateral sources, such as therapists, parenting consultants, guardian ad items, etc. Typically, I’ll want copies of the divorce decree, custody evaluation, etc. 

I will be assessing:

1) The readiness and willingness of the “out” parent to be a resource for the child or children;

2) The readiness and willingness of the “in” parent to support reunification;

3) The capacity and function of the child or children.

Phase II: Commitment & Planning

The second phase of the reunification therapy process is to address any blaming issues from the past, as the lack of acknowledgement of past injustices is often what keeps parents stuck in old cycles of anger and the pointing of fingers. Children are also involved, and the work with them focuses on releasing any feelings they have of anger, resentment, abandonment, self-blame, or guilt. If either parent demonstrates resistance to the process – as evidenced by their pattern of attendance and participation, that resistance will be discussed and steps taken to address it so it no longer obstructs the process.

Phase III: Integration

For some families, this phase signals the initiation of visitation. Other families will have had some schedule of parenting time already in place. The type and frequency of visitation will vary according to a number of factors. Regardless of what the visitation looks like, the message sent to the child by the estranged parent is one of caring, interest, and purpose. The message sent to the child by the non-estranged parent is one of support for the child’s relationship with each parent.