How to address parental alienation

If you suspect that your co-parent is alienating your child or children from you, you are in a difficult and heart-breaking situation. It is wise to carefully consider the continuum of parent-child contacts problems, to honestly assess what your contributions to the resist/refuse dynamics might be. Sometimes there are behaviors of the “out” parent that justify a good portion of a child’s resistance to parenting time with the “out” parent. If this is the case, working with a parent coach or individual therapist is an excellent step to take. For example, some “out” parents don’t hold back in their criticism of their co-parent, even in front of the child. This will do even further damage to the relationship with your child, and is a behavior that will deepen that child’s resistance to seeing you.

If you can look objectively at your child’s behaviors and you see several of the indicators of alienation, then it is time to take action. Time is of the essence in dealing with these situations. In cases of true alienation, there are two critical pieces: 1) The involvement of a therapist or team of therapists who are highly trained in dealing with these dynamics (often through “reunification therapy” or what we are now calling Parent-Child Relationship Repair services) and 2) the involvement of the court. Without the leverage of a court order or a parenting consultant, it is extremely difficult to engage the “in” parent in addressing the resist-refuse dynamics that are occurring.

To learn more about how I might be able to help address suspected parental alienating behaviors, contact my office at 651-882-6234. To learn more about these dynamics, here are several helpful blogs and articles.

Keeping Your Wits About You: Wisdom for Alienated Parents

Giving Children Their Childhood Back: What Really Works with Alienated Children

Parental Alienation: What Therapists Need to Know

How to Select an Expert in Parental Alienation

Articles, Publications, Powerpoints, Court Rulings, Research and Resources

Individual coaching for the “out” parent

If you would like additional support as the targeted or “out” parent, I can provide coaching to help you cope with the stresses of being rejected by your child or children and help you ensure you are doing all you can to rebuild that relationship. There is a tremendous amount of grief that comes with being in this position, and getting support can help you make your way through the process of rebuilding.

Individual coaching for the “in” parent

The “in” parent has a particularly difficult role when a child is resisting time with the other parent. It’s important to address your feelings toward your co-parent and ensure those feelings aren’t contributing to the child’s resistance. Children have an amazing ability to pick up on your feelings, and will often want to support and even protect the favored parent. But as you know, you don’t need them to protect you, and as an adult, you are able to find support elsewhere. I can work with you individually to look at how you are parenting and to see if there’s anything you need to be doing differently to support your child’s relationship with their other parent.

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Induced psychological splitting in children of divorce and separation

Indicators of parental alienation:

• Is the child denigrating the “out” parent? Reporting hate for the “out” parent and denying past positive experiences?
• Is the child giving weak or frivolous rationalizations for their hostility and rejection of the “out” parent?
• Does the child see the “out” parent as all bad and the “in” parent as all good?
• Does the child insist that he or she has come to these conclusions on their own, with no influence from their other parent or extended family?
• Does the child appear fully comfortable with treating the “out” parent with rudeness, coldness, and hostility?
• Does the child reflexively support everything the “in” parent does or says, regardless of how baseless the statement is?
• Are there accusations and stories that echo the accusations and words from the “in” parent?
• Has the child rejected the extended family on the “out” parent’s side?