You’ve heard it said – we can control ourselves but we can’t control others. So true! We may not like or approve of what someone else is doing, but all we really can change or control is our own response to what’s happening. To the side is a picture of the “spheres of control.” WhenRead more
Parent-Child Relationship Repair Services (aka “reunification therapy”)
Many families experiencing the ending of a marriage or long-term relationship do quite well explaining it to the kids and helping them make the transition into their new life – which usually includes going back and forth between each parent’s home and a whole host of other life changes. Some families, however, have a much harder time of it; anger and resentments between the former partners spill over into the lives of the children and cause a skewing of the relationship toward one parent or the other. Sometimes this goes so far as to fit the criteria of “parental alienation,” which has been shown to be tremendously damaging to children. Most cases don’t go this far, thankfully, but situations where children align much more strongly with one parent than the other can cause serious emotional challenges for children. When the imbalance is too great, the family may benefit from help with Parent-Child Relationship Repair services (PCRR, also called “reunification therapy”).
Interested in this option? Follow the links below for more information about reunification.
“Two therapist model” v. “One therapist model”? Deposit v. no deposit? How does this all work?
The ins and outs of Parent-Child Relationship Repair services (aka “reunification therapy”) can be pretty complicated! Here are some points to know:
This type of service is different than other forms of therapy – it’s typically court-ordered or directed by a Parenting Consultant (PC), and those required to participate often have conflicting agendas. As a result, it requires a more directive and problem-solving type of approach to therapy than what people might expect.
Some therapists providing reunification services use a “two person model” – which simply means that one therapist works with the parents and one therapist works with the child. I use a “one person model” – which means that I meet with the parents and I work with the child. This doesn’t mean the child can’t continue to work with a therapist already in place – in fact, I find it really helpful if the child has another source of support separate from the family therapy I provide. I will meet with each co-parent individually, each child individually, a child and parent together, the co-parents together, etc. – whichever combination I feel the individuals are ready for and will move our work forward toward the goal of repairing the family relationships.
Some providers ask for a deposit in order to cover the work at the start of therapy to collect and review documents, contact collaterals (others involved with the family such as PCs, other therapists, guardians ad litem, etc.), and cover the cost of other tasks that are done outside of sessions. This is very similar to how PCs charge as well. I do not ask for a deposit. Instead, my hourly fee includes most of the costs of those calls, review of documents, etc. The only exceptions are when the documents to be reviewed are substantial, if I am asked to prepare a summary of progress for use in court, etc. This is all explained in detail at the outset of our work together.
“Children are extremely vulnerable to their parent’s mental health and their behaviours. Like tiny weather vanes, children will shift their allegiance back and forth depending upon their internalised experience of being threatened with abandonment. Children experience deeply that they are so dependent upon their parents that without them they would die. This is the underlying reason why some children are so vulnerable to alienation. When those same children are reconnected to parents who can convey to them their enduring healthy love and support, the fear of abandonment recedes and the defence drops.”
— Karen Woodall, April 16, 2020
Curious about my training in working with parent-child contact problems? Click here and go to the “Training” tab for a list of professional education and training I’ve received over the years. I love learning and continue to pursue opportunities to deepen my knowledge and understanding of family conflict and the healing of relationships.
What about those negative online reviews?
I am often appointed by the court to serve as a provider of “Parent-Child Relationship Repair services” (also known as “Reunification Therapy”) – I help families address the resist or refuse dynamics that may exist between a child and a parent. The focus is usually on the “targeted” or “out” parent and the child or children, but involves the “favored” or “in” parent as well. This is a very difficult and complex role, and there are times when the repair of the child or children’s relationship with the “out” parent does not sit well with the “in” parent.
Some of these parents voice their views and complaints on various websites in the form of negative reviews. Despite the fact that these reviews tend to be filled with inaccuracies, exaggerations, and untruths, I am prohibited from responding directly due to HIPAA regulations. Keep in mind that the negative reviews are almost always written by the parent who is not in favor of the repair of a child’s relationship with the other parent, and so when progress is made, some will express their frustration by writing these reviews. They are a professional hazard when doing this type of work, and because the websites with these reviews refuse to hear the details, it is nearly impossible to get false and defamatory reviews deleted.
If you are considering using my services but are concerned about these reviews, I encourage you to contact me directly, using a contact form on this website or by phone (651-882-6234) if you would like to learn more about my practice and my approach to working with these very challenging situations.